It's like getting thrown in a washing machine without water.

It has been 5 days now that I have been at the ashram. It wasn't until yesterday I internally committed to staying. Up until that point I was undecided and so unsettled that I hadn't slept most of the nights. The first day/night was so incredibily difficult. I spent my first night, New Years's Eve in Madurai, a fairly large city. I had a little bit of time to wander around and exchange some dollars for ruppees in the afternoon. And than slept for about twelve hours to make up for lost sleep sitting in airports.
I was so full of fear. I haven't experienced that much fear running through my blood since the death gripping boat trip off the coast of Sumatra. But this fear was different. Purely mental, whereas the boat experience was physical fear. Fear of the unknown, the mystery, of taxi drivers. Anyway, the next day I took the taxi to Kodaikanal and to the ashram. The road was incredibly steep, narrow and windy, with so much traffic. I arrived at the ashram in time for lunch. It was such a big shift from nervous fear to warm sweet welcoming smiles and peaceful mountain air. The ashram itself is very small and the accomadations are nice but minimal. There is no big great room or space that is especially sacred. All of the space is sacred. There is a second small building with four rooms for students. Actually, this place is a temporary location as a new ashram is being built further into the country lands, where they grow all their fruit and vegetables and where we currently go for meditation on the rocks near the stream. It is like living with family while receiving spiritual guidance, yoga philosophy and living peacefully.
As I said before, it wasn't until now that I have decided to stay for the duration of my time in India. Mostly because the first 3-5 days you get your whole system, mind and spirit included shaken up by Swamiji. First, I must say that the Swamiji is a mind reader along with intelligence from extensive study in University, study with gurus and many other different life experiences that has brought him here to create this ashram. Everything he does is intentional for the benefit of the individual he is helping spiritually. So with that said. He will immediately read a persons mind when they arrive at the ashram. So, first night. He looked at me and said, "Something has hapened to you before you arrived here. You can not hide it, it is in your face. You can't hide anything at the ashram." He said some other things too, but it was a shock to me. For one because I had no idea what he was talking about, which made me unsettled for days. My mind raced for days and I did not know what to think, do or feel. I tried to use all mine and others best advice for myself as I could, but it didn't matter. It just takes time. Now I see as other new students arrive, they get thier cage rattled too. And I have so much compassion for them. As aeople come and go at the ashram, the energy completely shifts. The Swamiji bases the content and strategy of his teachings on the students who are present and what they are ready for or are in need of. He has truly "crossed all boundaries". Meaning he has crossed the boundaries of physicality and consciousness.